Selfish Boy, Stubborn Girl
by Somaybelikeno
Summary: He wants to stay with the First Order just as much as she wanted to stay on Jakku, but when push comes to shove it takes some extra convincing to get him to actually leave. Written for Reydar month 2017. Features lots of smootching.


They'd warned her about empathy before sending her in. Not against it, but the fact that she'll have to deal with the whole issue of having it. The First Order is after all made up of human beings, even if they're on the opposing side. When she had agreed to go undercover on board the Finalizer the plan was to get precious intell, not develop a crush on the awkward radar technician. But he's just not any human being, he's Luke Skywalker's nephew, and Leia Organa and Han Solo's only child.

She supposes the fact that he's also Kylo Ren should mean something, but she's no longer sure. The guy who saves her his muffins during lunch hours and hands her the tools she needs before she even has the chance to ask for them hardly carries any resemblance to the man who abducted her all those months ago. She'd gone into this mission with a hardened heart, and a yearning to go after the monster who killed Han Solo, but what she'd encountered was so entirely not what she'd expected. It had been with reluctance at first that she had to admit to herself that she finally understood why Han had approached him on that bridge, she knows why Leia still wants him back.

Ben Organa-Solo is miserable.

She knew it back when she still hated him, and she knows it now; he doesn't want to be here any more than she wished to stay on Jakku. He has fallen to pieces in the time between Starkiller and now, lumbering about like a big moody luggabeast, and seemingly oblivious to the fact that everyone has deducted that he's Kylo Ren in disguise.

If Luke really did teach him how to fix stuff then he failed to include the part about radars, because seeing Matt pretend to work on one of those things is a sad sight to behold. What's he even doing here in the ranks of the maintenance crew in the first place? Judging by the Force repellent cuffs on his wrists, his current position can only be a form of punishment.

But why doesn't he leave? Being blocked from the Force is one thing yes, but he walks around freely. It would be a small matter for this man to knock out a few guards, steal a blaster and a fighter and get the hell out. But Rey knows the meaning of self imposed imprisonment. There had been enough working freighters in Unkar's shipyard for her to steal away with one under the cover of night. If he's still here it's because he's keeping himself here.

At night, in her bunk, in the room she shares with seven others, she thinks of dragging him by the ear into the closest TIE fighter she can find and flying them both out of there, away from this desert place that's nothing but an endless grind to them both. She doesn't care whether he'll think of it as rescue or kidnapping because either way, he _owes_ her. Big time.

Other nights she thinks of yanking that godawful wig of his head and dragging him by the nape of his neck down to her level and make him work that mouth on her own, on her temple, her neck, her chest...

But thoughts of stolen trysts are kept to the bunk. She has work to do, and not just rewiring calcinators. She has intell to gather for the Resistance, and she does it well. Too well. The intell she's looking for is so easy to find it might as well have been handed to her on a silver platter. When it's done and she's sent it off to whomever it might concern, instead of taking a left to the shuttlebay, Rey chooses right and runs for the cafeteria.

She can see x-wings in the viewports all around the Finalizer, and she has orders to get the hell out of dodge before getting herself caught in the fire. But Rey has her own personal agenda apart from her orders; find Ben Organa-Solo and bring his sullen ass back home to his family. It's in the nick of time too.

The search doesn't take long. He never strays too far from her, being her work partner and all, and what can she say? She's taken to looking out for him in her own way. Like right now for instance.

The Resistance has gotten through the Finalizer's shields, and the halls shake with the impact of their weapons. The ship is practically coming down around her when she finds him, and what is he doing? Just standing there, the laserbrain, as if waiting for something to come down and crush him. And by the Maker, that's exactly what's about to happen.

Rey tackles him out of the way of a falling beam. The durasteel crashes through the deck where he just stood, but the danger isn't over. The beam was no less than a support beam and now the ship really is about to come down around them. She pushes him to the floor, covering his head and chest with her own body. Reaching for the Force she thinks _protect._

The hallway becomes an hellmouth filled with dust and falling debris and so much noise Rey's eardrums might burst from the cacophony. All around them the world crumbles as if this is the end of days. His hands curl into balls by her waist, the fabric of her jumpsuit trapped between his fingers.

When silence falls, it's the silence of a grave, and it might just become one for both of them. The hallway is sealed off on both ends, leaving the two of them in the middle of what looks like the quiet eye of the storm. The last flickering source of light illuminates the space.

"What the everliving kriff, Rey." He has her by the shoulders, a look of outrage in his eyes that matches the tone in his voice. Rey does a doubletake. This is the first time he's used her name, her _real_ name, and judging by the way he acts he doesn't appear to have noticed himself. At least he isn't as oblivious as he appears. If he knew all along that it was her under the dyed hair, he's made no indication of it.

He sits up, pushing her along with him. She comes to a stop astride his lap.

"You're welcome," she says.

"You don't belong here."

"I could say the same to you, Ben."

He blinks, his eyebrows disappearing into his ruffled bangs.

"Your wig fell off," Rey tells him.

He runs his hand over his head, searching for the yellow mop that now lies a few feet behind him. His glasses hang askew on his nose, and his ears burn red through his real hair.

Rey punches him in the chest.

"Ow!"

"Did you think this was going to be that easy, huh Ben?"

It might be the shock of nearly dying, but the way he blocks her swings are far to clumsy — or halfhearted — for a warrior of his caliber.

"That was _you_ who got me that info wasn't it? That was _you_ trying to get me off your back. Did you really think I was going to leave you behind?"

"Ow! Stop hitting me."

"You gave me your muffins!" Rey shouts, punctuating every word with a fist. "Why would you do that and expect me to leave? What, you think your mother will just move on when you're gone? What about your family, Ben?"

"What about them?" he shouts back, and there's real rage in his voice now. Hoping against hope she might just have woken him up she lets down on the punches. She knows how her words twists him around on the inside, behind that mask he wears, be it that horrible black one or the ill suited wig and glasses.

"They don't need me," he says through gritted teeth. "You go tell them I'm not coming back."

Well, ok then. If he needs another incentive she'll let him have it. This might be the only chance she'll get after all. She grabs him by the hair of his nape and —

— kisses him.

 _What about me, Ben? What about me?_

Nothing. She gets nothing. He's frozen under her. Rey pulls back to catch him looking like he just got smacked across the back of his head, blinking up at her though his glasses like an confused Teedo.

"Uh," she says, but that's all she gets out, because the next moment he has her pressed up against him, and his mouth is on hers once more. Oh.

 _Oh._

Well then.

His arms coil tight around her waist, and he kisses her with the needful, clumsy intensity that can only come from the man who's both Matt the radar technician and Kylo Ren all in one, his nose squashed into her cheek. Maybe she can find Ben Organa-Solo right in the middle of the two.

The pockets of his ugly orange vest, filled to the brim with tools and whatnot, digs into her ribs and abdomen. So much stuff between them. Why is he wearing all this junk anyway? She pushes it past his shoulder where it gets stuck, and she has to shove him off to get to the straps. He makes a complaining sound as they part, but refuses to let her break the kiss, moving his hands from her waist to hold her head between them. She knows what this looks like, but this is neither the time or the place.

Talk about going from zero to sixty within seconds.

"Rey," he mumbles into her mouth. "Rey, what are you doing?"

"You won't —" She has to pull away to get the words out. Deprived of her lips he latches onto her jawline. "You won't fit through the vents with this thing on." He might not fit at all even without it judging by the bulk of him. She's been through numerous of those vents in her scavenging days, and this beast of a man both looks and feels as if he might be a couple of sizes too large. If there is no way, she's going to make a way, even if it kills her.

"S'too late for me."

She fists the straps of his vest in her hands, pushes him down so his head knocks against the floor. He grunts, a grimace of mixed pain and surprise on his face that hasn't quite gone away before she's on him again, pulling his lower lip between her teeth and biting down. _Come home you prick,_ she says with her kiss, _do something right for once, selfish boy._

Grabbing on to his hair with both hands she turns his head so she can lean down to his ear. "It's too late when I say it is," she says and closes her mouth over that spot just below his earlobe, scraping her teeth across the muscle there.

"Ah!" Maker but he sounds breathless as he arches up against her. His hands come to rest on her sides, fanning across her ribs, big and shaking. Rey kisses the smarting spot, half as an apology, half because she really wants to.

She goes for the straps on his vest again, but he's there first, pulling it open with fumbling hands. He can't seem to get it off fast enough, wiggling underneath her to remove it without removing her too in the process. Then it's off, discarded along with his wig and he reels her back in again, and _oh,_ so much _warmth_. So much she could melt into him, all that hard muscle — _shredded_ — that's somehow so soft against her at the same time. This is not the dry heat of the desert, it's the thawing warmth of a fireplace after a walk in the freezing night air, it's the cool shade on a scorching day, and she could exist like this forever. Wants more more _more._

The single light left in the ceiling flickers, but the two lovers on the floor don't notice as they kiss and touch and cling like starved children. Somewhere in the distance explosions can be heard, the battle taken elsewhere for the moment, giving the two of them a sorely needed respite.

Rey secures his wrists above his head, which is not an easy thing to do as he's been clutching at the fabric of her back, refusing to let go. In the end he has to give in, let her do what she pleases, because Rey is on a mission and even this stolen moment can't get her off track. She finds the cuffs that keep him barred from the Force, and runs her thumbs along the silver bands, searching for the opening. Lifting her head to get a good look at them, she has to smother a sigh when he keeps raining kisses down her jaw and throat.

She can't tell how she does it, there are no buttons or keyholes, but the cuffs spring open with quiet melodious chimes as if spurred by the Force within her.

The room tilts. She finds herself on her back, her wrists trapped under his hands, the Force suddenly an ominous flood around him. For a moment Rey thinks it was all just an act for her, this radar technician charade. Not a punishment for him, but a trap for her. He really is just Kylo Ren, a wolf in sheep's clothing. But then he puts his mouth back to where her pulse beats and she loses that train of thought. He holds her down with his lips and hands, presses her into the floor with his weight, and his hips, oh kriff his _hips_. She twists her hands free to lock them into his hair.

"Stubborn girl," he half growls, half groans against her skin. It sounds like an endearment.

 _Give me a name and I'll wear it._

"Why didn't you go when you had the chance?"

"I'm not finished yet." Just how much can her face heat up? Because in that moment, in her hoarse voice her words sound a lot like a euphemism for something other than seeing her mission through. "Ben?"

He pulls back at that, and there it is, the traces of Han and Leia's son all over his face, behind those silly glasses he still has on. It's in the breathless pride he gets from making her feel this way, that cocky grin that's slowly spreading across his features. Asshole.

Another explosion shakes the hallway, too close for comfort. Pieces of rubble fall to the floor. Dust and sparks from broken electricity cords rain down on them. He lifts his head, examining the cracked walls keeping them alive. Rey can see the fear of death in his eyes, feel it in the sudden tension of his body. They're panting in unison, ribs expanding against ribs, and there's no way of telling if the hammering in her chest is his heart or hers.

She places a hand on his cheek, brings his gaze back to hers. The change in his expression says he's just beginning to understand the meaning of her being here. Why she's risking her life and limbs to get him to safety, and why she's letting him kiss her silly while she does it.

Ben's eyes softens. "Okay," he says, "okay. Let's go."

* * *

 **This was written for the Reydar month 2017 on Ao3 back in febuary. Please let me know what you think of it in the reviews!**


End file.
